PinnedMember-onlyThe anniversary of the day I realized my dad was dying.I’ll always be haunted by this date — October 20. Exactly a year ago, my father stopped eating. He was undergoing an aggressive palliative chemotherapy regimen — orally he was taking over a dozen medications and simultaneously given IV chemo every few weeks. On this day, one year ago, his…Cancer4 min readCancer4 min read
PinnedMourning a loss before it happens: reflecting on experiencesThe last few months have been very emotional. I’ve frequently woken up to text messages from my father’s friends, asking for updates and checking in on how my family is handling my father’s final days. (If you need context to the situation, click here) To those who have messaged me…Grief And Loss3 min readGrief And Loss3 min read
May 17, 2022Member-onlyIt’s all relative.It’s been a while since my last post. Luckily for me, my first year of graduate school was a healthy distractor from spending large amounts of time dwelling on my father’s somewhat recent death. 1.5 years during a pandemic doesn’t feel like a long time, but I now see my life as having two chapters: before my father…Cancer2 min readCancer2 min read
Jun 6, 2021Telling your loved ones they’re dyingNearly 6 months have gone by since my father passed away yet it still feels as if it happened yesterday. When I dream I can still see his face so vividly, when I think about him I tear up at the thought of never hearing his voice again. Losing someone…Cancer6 min readCancer6 min read
Mar 9, 2021Vivid dreams, moments of weakness, and finding a new reality amidst grieving a terrible loss: ~3 month updateGrief is an intense feeling. I’ve heard it described as both a ‘forbidden love’ and ‘deep sorrow.’ It’s really a blend of passion and gut-wrenching sadness — grieving someone you loved deeply is equivalent to loving someone who can’t physically reciprocate the feelings back to you. — Immediately following my father’s passing, I kept myself busy with PhD recruitment events and reading professors’ new publications in anticipation of interviews. Making a career jump is a wonderful distraction, especially if it’s as profound of a jump as choosing PhD programs. …Death4 min readDeath4 min read
Jan 8, 2021Remembering my father: In honor of his 68th birthday.It’s been less than a month since my father passed away even though it feels like years have gone by. Two nights before his funeral, I sat down to draft his obituary and my final remarks for the burial. Tears flooded my eyes because I didn’t know what to say…Death And Dying2 min readDeath And Dying2 min read
Nov 10, 2020What happens when you lose control of your mind: Letting go of stigma & shameMental health and declining cognitive function is often stigmatized — a source of shame, fear, and secrecy. Prior to my father’s seizure and metastatic cancer diagnosis, he was exhibiting signs of declined mental acuity for quite some time. I definitely saw small signs of decreased cognitive function but I tried…Mental Illness4 min readMental Illness4 min read
Published in An Idea (by Ingenious Piece)·Aug 23, 2020Finding out my father has metastatic cancer during the COVID-19 pandemicMy father, who has a serious heart condition, started acting strangely in early July. He’d forget I was living in Boston, called asking nonsense questions, and experienced extreme ‘sundowning’ — I quickly convinced myself he had dementia. The d-word haunted my childhood and my late teen years. I volunteered in…Healthcare4 min readHealthcare4 min read
